my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
