i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
