i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
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