And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Randomize
