dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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