she smelled like a LAN party
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
