'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
i dont even know how to be here
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
