I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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