420 ftw
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
