Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
