I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Randomize
