he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
