I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
