I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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