You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
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