Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Randomize
