Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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