I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
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