I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Randomize
