she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
