haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
