toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
