saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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