Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
