We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
