I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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