hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
