I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Randomize
