it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
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