What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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