Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Randomize
