Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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