Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
sex in a hospital.. check
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
