the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
