This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Randomize
