I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
