this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
