I didn't shave. On purpose
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Randomize
