i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
You smell like stripper and shame
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Randomize
