i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
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