but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Randomize
