Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Randomize
