Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
