remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
