Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
