I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Randomize
