Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
