Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
