I just made out with a guy for $7.
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Randomize
