His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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