Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Randomize
